Veronica's Story: Viewer Comments

November 21, 1996

Dear Veronica,

I too have a story. I too was sexually abused as a child. Only it was by my father. And my uncle. And it continued for about 10 years, until I was 12 years old.

I know your pain. I understand the wishing, the wanting. My mom doesn't believe me. She didn't notice then, and doesn't believe me now. My whole family doesn't believe me. I have no family. Sometimes I think I would have been better off in a foster home, like you were put in. But I can't say that for sure. I think one of the reasons I never told anyone as a child was because I was afraid it would break up my family. My dad threatened that he would be taken to jail, that he would kill my beloved cat, that my mother would no longer love me. He threatened lots of things. SO maybe that's actually why I never told anyone.

That, and the deep shame. Like it was my fault. I caused it somehow. I was bad, unlovable, deserving of abuse. I still struggle with this, even after five years of therapy. Feelings of unworthiness, of wanting to hurt myself because I hate myself so much.

I used to cut myself with a knife. To hurt myself, and to show how much I was hurting inside. I have always eaten too much as a way to hurt myself. (And to keep the men away.) (It works.)

I still, everyday of my life, long for a mother who is capable of nurturing me, believing me, understanding me, seeing me for who I am and what is real. I am always looking for another mom. I am trying to be my own mom.

Veronica, you are a very brave person. You told your 'story' right away. You didn't keep it inside for years, hiding behind fat and people-pleasing and good grades. Your pain is out there, for the world to see, to notice, to make a film out of.

You don't have to show up at a job every day where no one knows, where it's not safe to tell, where you have to pretend. I can't tell people, one time it cost me a promotion. It scares people. They don't know how to act toward me, like I did something wrong. I didn't thanks for helping me remember that.

Good luck, Veronica. I have never met you. But I love you.

To Jill Petzall,

You don't know me but I was at the screening of your film at the Forum for Contemporary Art. I was so moved Your work is very powerful. Thank you for caring about children who are abused. It means so much to those of us who were. For we are still afraid, we still feel uncared about, invisible, isolated, even when we have support groups and good friends. And knowing that there are people like you who don't run from us , but rather try to tell our story... it helps the healing process, to know people like you are out there.

Thank you again for this beautiful, moving film."





Veronica's Story : Viewer Comments
	"Veronica's Story is an authentic narrative of the heart." Dr. Judith R. Saidel, Center for Women in Government and Public Policy, SUNY Albany "This is an exceptional and engaging video to stimulate discussion about the kinds of help that children like Veronica need." Margaret Sherraden, Prof. of Social Work, University of Missouri November 21, 1996 Dear Veronica, I too have a story. I too was sexually abused as a child. Only it was by my father. And my uncle. And it continued for about 10 years, until I was 12 years old. I know your pain. I understand the wishing, the wanting. My mom doesn't believe me. She didn't notice then, and doesn't believe me now. My whole family doesn't believe me. I have no family. Sometimes I think I would have been better off in a foster home, like you were put in. But I can't say that for sure. I think one of the reasons I never told anyone as a child was because I was afraid it would break up my family. My dad threatened that he would be taken to jail, that he would kill my beloved cat, that my mother would no longer love me. He threatened lots of things. SO maybe that's actually why I never told anyone. That, and the deep shame. Like it was my fault. I caused it somehow. I was bad, unlovable, deserving of abuse. I still struggle with this, even after five years of therapy. Feelings of unworthiness, of wanting to hurt myself because I hate myself so much. I used to cut myself with a knife. To hurt myself, and to show how much I was hurting inside. I have always eaten too much as a way to hurt myself. (And to keep the men away.) (It works.) I still, everyday of my life, long for a mother who is capable of nurturing me, believing me, understanding me, seeing me for who I am and what is real. I am always looking for another mom. I am trying to be my own mom. Veronica, you are a very brave person. You told your 'story' right away. You didn't keep it inside for years, hiding behind fat and people-pleasing and good grades. Your pain is out there, for the world to see, to notice, to make a film out of. You don't have to show up at a job every day where no one knows, where it's not safe to tell, where you have to pretend. I can't tell people, one time it cost me a promotion. It scares people. They don't know how to act toward me, like I did something wrong. I didn't thanks for helping me remember that. Good luck, Veronica. I have never met you. But I love you. To Jill Petzall, You don't know me but I was at the screening of your film at the Forum for Contemporary Art. I was so moved Your work is very powerful. Thank you for caring about children who are abused. It means so much to those of us who were. For we are still afraid, we still feel uncared about, invisible, isolated, even when we have support groups and good friends. And knowing that there are people like you who don't run from us , but rather try to tell our story... it helps the healing process, to know people like you are out there. Thank you again for this beautiful, moving film." -Anonymous